The flirty, casual stage of any new relationship is always fun, but sooner or later there comes a point where you need to know exactly how the other person feels about you and the direction the relationship is heading. It’s not always easy to breach this subject with someone, especially if you’re not really sure what answers you’re looking for. Before you engage in this conversation, make sure you’re ready to explain what you want, hear what they want and act accordingly. If you don’t know what you want from your partner or you’re not ready to accept what they want (or don’t want) from you, your conversation will likely push you further from your desired outcome, whatever it is.

Know What You Want
It would hardly be fair to ask someone to define the relationship if you’re unable to define it yourself. Take a minute to think about exactly what you need and what you’re willing to give in return. Are you looking for a relationship? Something casual? Maybe to end what’s going on between you? Having a game plan in mind before starting this conversation will make it worlds easier because you’ll go in knowing what outcome you’re hoping for from the beginning.

Hear What They Want
The reason people avoid this conversation, to their own peril, is because they’re often afraid of upsetting the person they’re involved with or even ruining the easygoing situation they have. When you approach this discussion, you must be prepared to really listen to whatever they have to say. They might not always tell you what you want to hear, but it’s important that you respect their thoughts and feelings because you’re expecting the same consideration in return.

A define-the-relationship conversation should usually be followed with some type of action. It might be starting an official relationship, moving on from each other, or even a decision to keep things how they are. If you’ve decided that what you have should become an exclusive relationship, start working on adjusting your lifestyle from that of a singleton to that of a partner. Likewise, if you’ve decided to break things off, make sure you begin moving on rather than continuing in a direction that will leave one or both of you unhappy. For the couples who’ve decide to keep things causal and unlabelled, perhaps agree on a future point in time where the define-the-relationship conversation can be revisited, in case someone’s feelings change over time.

There’s nothing worse than being involved with someone and not being dissatisfied with where things stand. While approaching the define-the-relationship conversation can be unbearably awkward and difficult, don’t chicken out! If you’re putting time and energy into someone, you deserve to express what will make you happy. It will be beneficial for the both of you if you’re upfront and honest about what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling. The outcome may not always leave you bright-eyed and ecstatic, but then again, you never know when someone is waiting for you to make the first move.